Am I the only one who knows we are asleep?

Am I the only one who wants to wake up?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone else cares about the things they say they do. I mean I know they do. I know they want to. Like this whole Loving/changing the world thing. We all want to, who doesn't. But long as it's a hobby. Long as it is an extracurricular. I am so tired. I want to fall asleep. I want to subcum to the lullaby. But I don't think I have it in me.
It's like a taste everyone can taste. Something not quite right. Off.
But most just get used to it and eat. I get sick from it.

But then again it's not like I can't get used to it, either. I think I can. I do get "numb" I do "fall asleep" sometimes. But what is different about me is, I think I am not built to stay there.

I've always purposely done crazy stuff to keep me fully focused in this world. I've done as a kid- since I can remember.. As if this drive was always there, hardwired.

Examples sound strange: Taking showers with clothes on or running out into the pouring rain and dancing through puddles with my nicest clothes[ did this alot when I was 20]. Dead Sprints, push ups, etc- lots of dead sprints. [Pushing my body to the very limit until I couldn't do it anymore].

Spending nights out alone in the woods with only a little gear.
Making friends with random strangers.

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[will continue-- till then, bed-- work in 5 hours...]