I would give the world to you!

A year ago I said to a girl, that I would cross oceans and mountains for her.
And I meant it. I'd have done anything for her. And not to just make her love me. Or because I felt obligated or something. But because I loved her. And well, that's just what love makes you want to do... anything.

But now a year has passed, since I last said words like that.
Well until recently.

I said it jokingly to a friend I give car rides to every once an a while. I said it because she felt bad that she relied on me a lot for rides. I at first said it dramatically- [silly voice included]---. "You're only 45 minutes away, heck don't you know I'd cross oceans and mountains for you......" I said in jest, but after the words left my lips, I realized I meant it. I would cross oceans and mountains, I would do anything for that friend. And over the past few days I realized I feel that way with all I can call my friends. I realized I would do anything for them. Really! [don't tell them this though it might go to there heads!]

And again it's not because I want them to like me, But because, well, I love them.
And thats what Love does....

So I have been asking myself. When did this happen?

I'm so not sure.

Maybe between praying to be able to Love and the fact I have amazing friends....

I want to live my life in Love. >>> I say it all the time.

But slowly I am starting to understand what those words truly mean [More and More]

I want to expand my definition of friends.
I want to love the orphan and the widow. I think I am closer to loving them then ever. My heart is starting to ache more and more for those who are hurting. [a beautiful ache not a bad ache-- sorta akin to a happy cry]

I want to get to know them. I want to know their names.
I want to see them as God sees them!!! [For Love does not see with rosy glasses but with the truest purest sight.]
Then I can climb to their mountains and sing to them songs of Love.
And shout out loud, of the amazing talents and joys of the overlooked and the marginalized.

Oh, I want to Love!!!!

Yes, so as I am writing of how my love grown in this year, I am smiling, yet I am not satisfied. For I have seen glimpses of what Love could be, and I want to see all that it is.
love, Love, LOVE

-Matt

Am I the only one who knows we are asleep?

Am I the only one who wants to wake up?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone else cares about the things they say they do. I mean I know they do. I know they want to. Like this whole Loving/changing the world thing. We all want to, who doesn't. But long as it's a hobby. Long as it is an extracurricular. I am so tired. I want to fall asleep. I want to subcum to the lullaby. But I don't think I have it in me.
It's like a taste everyone can taste. Something not quite right. Off.
But most just get used to it and eat. I get sick from it.

But then again it's not like I can't get used to it, either. I think I can. I do get "numb" I do "fall asleep" sometimes. But what is different about me is, I think I am not built to stay there.

I've always purposely done crazy stuff to keep me fully focused in this world. I've done as a kid- since I can remember.. As if this drive was always there, hardwired.

Examples sound strange: Taking showers with clothes on or running out into the pouring rain and dancing through puddles with my nicest clothes[ did this alot when I was 20]. Dead Sprints, push ups, etc- lots of dead sprints. [Pushing my body to the very limit until I couldn't do it anymore].

Spending nights out alone in the woods with only a little gear.
Making friends with random strangers.

-------
[will continue-- till then, bed-- work in 5 hours...]

Oxygen

I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.

On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.

I wanna see through all the lies of society
To the reality, happiness is at stake
I wanna hold up my head with dignity
Proud of a life where to give means more than to take
I wan't to live beyond the modern mentality
Where paper is all that you're really taught to create
Do you remember the forgotten America?
Justice, equality, freedom to every race?
Just need to get past all the lies and hypocrisy
Make up and hair to the truth behind every face
That look around to all the people you see,
How many of them are happy and free?
I know it sounds like a dream
But it's the only thing that can get me to sleep at night
I know it's hard to believe
But it's easy to see that something here isn't right
I know the future looks dark
But it's there that the kids of today must carry the light.

On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.

If i'm afraid to catch a dream
I weave your baskets and i'll float them down the river stream
Each one i weave with words i speak to carry love to your relief.

I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.

On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew

-Willy Mason

Not feeling very

Not feeling very....


I have to edit.

but I really don't know how.

well sorta but not really

I don't wanna edit. I don't wanna. I don't!!! WANNNA.

Ugh.

I'm sorta bummed. I put so much effort into this last video and I am yet to finish it. The only way for me to ever finish it in a reasonable time frame is for me to do the editing myself. And I'm not even sure of how good its going to come out. For everything we put in....
It's not like I was slacking off. I worked very, very hard. Hardest in my life. And I prayed the whole way through too. I gave the whole thing over to God.

But in the end. FAILURE.


Don't get me wrong I'm not writing it off as a complete loss. I'm still smiling. I'm a make lemonade [out of life's lemons] kind of guy. I'm just frustrated. I don't know if I have it in me to finish this. I'm doubting if I'll ever finish anything. I just want to finish. I want to acomplish something I set out to do.
I don't want the reputation of the guy with lots of great ideas, who never finishes.


So here I go....again.

When we did soar

Sigur Rós - Glósóli